We are family

When I came here, I never imagined I’d be adopted into a new family. And if I did, I never thought our relationships would reach the point of struggle. Do you know what I mean by that? Ok, we all have relationships that are fairly surface level - your conversations never reach deep frustrations, and you let all your struggles with that person just slide off… because there’s no spaces there to fill, just surface. You never allow the bloody, messy stuff to be seen. BUT, once you do, that’s when the struggles come. When you are really authentic with people, it gets messy. I will share a few examples with you.

My sisters, Kolo and Manygi, had been sleeping in my room for a week because we had a family friend visiting who took their room. The day he left, I asked Kolo if she was going to sleep in her room again that night. She flipped a switch, accusing me of chasing her out of the room, you name it. Here in RCI, you don’t ask people when they’re going to leave. That translates to: “Get out.” In actuality, the room was jam packed with stuff and people, and I could barely move around, so yes, I wanted her to move back to her room.. Which is partially why I said it. The love that 1 Corinthians 13 asks us to live (patient, kind, slow to anger, no record of wrongs) becomes difficult with people you live with.. And impossible when you share a room. A few days later, I bought her a pagne and we went to see our friend Mami who makes clothes, so she could have an outfit for the wedding (scroll down for explanation). And dancing, chatting, and playing cards with Kolo are some of my favorite activities when I’m at the house. Now she’s living in my room again, and again I’m praying for more patience.

One night, my host mom asked me to throw my orange peel outside. I can be sensitive.. As anyone who has really gotten to know me should understand. And when she asks me to do things, it’s more of a demand, and a question, like, “why didn’t you throw that outside? Don‘t you know, that‘s what you do here?” I got visibly frustrated, and went outside. When my host dad got home, we had an informal “meeting”. It started with Kadi and I both really frustrated (I accidentally cried), and ended with the shaking of hands and apologies. It was rather formal, with Bakary as our mediator (a very culturally appropriate way of handling it), explaining that he wants peace in his house and that we were going to work out our differences. I was able to explain that there will always be things which I do not yet understand here, and ask her to speak to me with more patience. She told me she didn’t like when I get mad and walk out of the room. I told her I would work on being slow to anger.

On Thursday, my host parents got married. Yep. It’s true, they were already married, about 8 years ago. That was traditionally, with their parents present, in the village. They were not, however, married under law. This is a pretty foreign concept to us in the US, but it’s common here. So, we had a ceremony at the legal marriage office, then at ICA (our program’s base here in Bouake). About a month ago, they shared with me the plan. I offered to make the cake, thinking it was a small “shindig” at the house. But it quickly blew up into about 150 people and a full ceremony. And then it was Chazz and I directing the show - decorations, food, chairs, sound system. I was so happy to help and serve them after all they’ve given and done for me over the past 8 months. But man, I don’t think I’m cut out to be a wedding planner!

The thing is, all of this - these joys and struggles - would not happen if we weren’t family. I am learning to love the messy stuff, because when it is present, that means the relationships are real and authentic, not just that surface level bogus. I am part of a legit, Ivorian family, and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

Here’s some photos of my family, since a picture describes our relationship a whole heck of a lot better.

Manygi, David, Emanuel, and I Kolo is ridiculous.. I love it.
The Wedding! Dancing with Kadi, on her way to see Bakary.
Kolo and I
Senoufo dancing
I was trying to get the cake out of her mouth Gorgeous, right?
Chazz and I
This describes our relationship. He is ridiculous and he makes me laugh a lot.
David and Emanuel - so sapé! (snazzy)Bakary and KadiWe are family