Almandine

…Is the name of a girl at Centre Providence. She goes out every night, with a guy - the same guy, to the maquis (local night life) and then to bed. She comes home at midnight or 1 am. He pays. She says if she has a baby, she’ll give it away to someone. Her first thought was that he will help her raise it. But when asked if she’s seen that happen to other girls her age (16) who have gotten pregnant, she says no. But somehow, she has come to believe that he loves her, and of course that’s the reason why he comes to get her every night.. Right? And every time he does come, she feels needed, wanted, and that is a good feeling. We all want to feel wanted and needed, and it’s easy to mistake want for love, especially when you don’t get that from people very often. Almandine is a smart, fiery girl. She’s talkative, always making jokes, and she‘s got quite the attitude. But when he comes to call tonight, she’ll go. She wants to appease him, because if she doesn’t, she might lose that “love”, or rather, the want disguised as love. She lives in fear that she’ll lose that reassurance. My heart breaks for her, because I’ve lived for the same reassurances, I understand what she yearns for. When will she learn that human want, even human love, has nothing on God’s unconditional love. He doesn’t ask for our compliance first. No, He loves us anyway.

“In love there can be no fear, but fear is driven out by perfect love: because to fear is to expect punishment, and anyone who is afraid is still imperfect in love. We love because He first loved us.” (1 John 4:18,19)

An excerpt from The Ragamuffin Gospel, my latest read:
“The desire to feel loved is the last illusion: let it go and you will be free.” Just as the sunrise of faith requires the sunset of our former unbelief, so the dawn of trust requires letting go of our craving spiritual consolations and tangible reassurances. Trust at the mercy of the response it receives is bogus trust. All is uncertainty and anxiety. […] She pleads for proof that affection is returned. If she does receive consolation, she is reassured only for a time. She presses for further proofs, each less convincing. The need to trust dies of frustration. Tangible reassurances, however valuable they may be, can’t create trust, sustain it, or guarantee certainty of its presence. Jesus calls us to hand over our autonomous self in unshaken confidence. When the craving for reassurance is stifled, trust happens.

“Because of the Lord’s great love, we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself , “the Lord is my portion, therefore, I will wait for him.” Lamentations 3:22-24

Here’s a little of what’s been on my heart lately. I hope this makes you think as much as it does me.

On a completely different note, it’s my BIRTHDAY today! 23 and feeling free, as my teammate Heidi would say. Soo, here’s a gift for you all, I finally got some more photos up on Picasa! Enjoy!

Our recent trip to Burkina Faso.

Every day life with my family.

A wedding, church, and the pottery village.